We said yes

Six months ago, we said yes to this precious face ... this beautiful child of God that needed a family as much as we needed her. We said yes as God laid adoption on our hearts, we obeyed out of love because we knew it was what He wanted. With His strength alone, we said yes as we stepped completely out of our comfort zones and traveled halfway across the world to bring her home. It was probably the most difficult thing we have ever done ... leaving 2 of our kiddos behind to bring the 3rd home. But just as Jesus teaches that the shepherd leaves his 99 behind to go find the one missing sheep, so did we. Adoption is such a beautiful thing.

"And every single day, it is worth it, because adoption is God's heart. His word says, 'In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will' (Ephesians 1:5). He sets the lonely in families (see Psalm 68:6). The first word that appears when I look up adoption in the dictionary is 'acceptance.' God accepts me, adores me even, just as I am. And He wants me to accept those without families into my own. Adoption is the reason I can come before God's throne and beg Him for mercy, because He predestined me to be adopted as His child through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will - to the praise of His glorious grace." (excerpt from Katie Davis, "Kisses from Katie," p.72-73)

But adoption is hard. HARD. Anyone who tells you otherwise is not being honest with themselves. I read once that you cannot be in love with the idea of adoption to succeed, that you truly need to be in love with parenting instead. I think this is so true, but would also add that you need to be committed to God's heart for adoption. In the midst of the sleep deprivation and temper tantrums of the first couple months home, there were many times when I wondered if things would get better and return to some semblance of normal. We struggled a lot, but we had committed to love this precious child and we knew God would get us through. I prayed more than I ever had in my whole life ... I prayed hard ... mostly for patience, compassion and more grace. I also prayed with a thankful heart ... thankful that God brought Sunshine to our family and thankful that she was ours to love. During those tough times, I was always at peace with where we were because I *knew* that it was exactly where God wanted us. And I was also (and still am) incredibly thankful that God loves adoption. So much that He has adopted us into His own heavenly family. I sometimes wonder how much more difficult adoption is for God than us here on Earth, when we are the ones constantly turning away and being difficult to love.

And in fact, in some ways I was joyful that we were going through a rough time. Not because I enjoyed the difficulty of all the changes, but because it forced us to rely on God. Rely on Him completely. To get us through such a crazy time, a time in which we had absolutely no control. I mean, have you ever truly relied on God? 100%? Most of us don't ... we may think we do, but we don't. In today's society, we rely on ourselves for everything. So I was even more at peace knowing that not only were we exactly where we were supposed to be, but that we were also relying on God to bring us through it. It was just as much amazing as it was difficult. We said yes, obeyed, and were relying on God to make it all work. And He did.

I can say that with complete confidence today because we are 6 months down the road. Six months of saying "yes" to God's will for us. Six months of adopting, parenting and loving one of God's precious little children that we now have the honor of calling our own. We have not been perfect parents to her, probably not even close. We have made mistakes, lots of them I'm sure, but God loves us anyway. And we love her, unconditionally forever. I love her so much that sometimes I squeeze her a little too hard or hold her a little longer than she wants. The mother's heart God has grown in me for Sunshine is incredible, amazing, indescribable. I can say, 6 months later, that I am madly in love with this girl.

Life is still not "easy" ... having 3 kids is not "easy," biological or adopted. Among all of the normal stuff of life, we have thrown in multiple surgeries, more doctor's appointments than I can count, physical therapy and soon speech therapy and occupational therapy. I am a brand new "therapist" almost everyday, a job I wasn't prepared for. On top of that, we had to adapt to being a family of 5, all of us. We had to make decisions based on adoption attachment, not always knowing what the right answer was. All for one little girl. One precious baby girl that God called us to love. We have ignored our friends and family on many occasions, simply because we were so physically and emotionally drained. DH and I have not been out on a real date in 6 months (save the 2 times that we snuck out while my mom "babysat" after Sunshine was already asleep). If you knew our family pre-adoption, you would know that the no-date thing has been a very big change for us. But we still are so happy that we said "yes" ... yes to all of the craziness we now call our life. Yes to being the parents of 3 incredible, miraculous kids who teach us more about ourselves every day. Yes to our amazing God, who adopted us into His family and loves us unconditionally, no matter how much we do wrong and run away from Him.

I still am in awe, in some ways, that God trusted US to be responsible for Sunshine, here on Earth, in this life. That He trusted us enough to raise her, love her, train her, and send her out into the world. What an honor. What a privilege it is to be parents to all THREE of our children. I can't imagine having not followed God's calling for our lives. Sunshine's adoption has strengthened my faith immeasurably as I've had to rely on God alone. It has strengthened my entire family's understanding of what it means to be one of God's children. Angel and Lovebug have been changed and molded more than I thought possible, in the best way I could ever ask for. I think in the ultimate way, they have learned first hand, what God's love is all about.

So today, we celebrate Sunshine's 6-month Gotcha Day anniversary. But I also think we celebrate so much more ... we celebrate an amazing God who loves us so much that He sent His only Son to live a perfect life here on Earth, and then die for us, so that we may be adopted into His family and have eternal life. Whether it be adoption or another special calling, God has a plan for YOU. He has a plan for all of us. "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.'" (Jeremiah 29:11).

Happy 6-Month Gotcha Day, Sunshine, we love you to the moon and back!

Therapizing

Yup, we're just plugging along with therapy. We took a break for about 4 weeks to recover from surgery, but we are back in full force now! She is cruising and pulling up on everything. She still stands wider than normal but she is doing so GOOD. The new trick we are trying to master is going from one piece of furniture (or door) to another while actually letting go for a split second. This helps her learn how to adjust her body weight.

So I have a chair placed about 30 inches (or so) from the door and am using those clingy decals to get her to move back and forth. She doesn't quite trust her balance, but she is oh-so-close!

I had to put down my camera to help her the last bit of the way but she almost has it! Go baby girl! And oh my is she proud of herself! I love how she claps for herself whenever she does something good. LOL. Too cute! I also love that she is HAPPY to do this - in the past an activity like this would have been met with complete resistance. Like roll-around-on-the-floor temper tantrum resistance. What a change I can see in this girl! She even let Tricia, our wonderful PT, pick her up! Really?!?!

Oh happy baby girl, this proud mama is *SO* ready for you to walk! But I know you will do it in your own time, when you are ready :-) I would just prefer it be sooner rather than later. LOL.

We are also doing some major work on signing! She really doesn't talk, except for saying "owwwww" when something hurts (like her nose or her mouth - poor thing!). She also makes noises to get our attention and does this "ayayayayayayayayaya" thing when she's really excited about something. She claps and dances like a champ too. She understands most of what we say to her, but it's obviously so important that she be able to communicate with us as well. So we're doing a lot of sign and it's pretty cool. Her sign "vocabulary" consists of:

hi/bye (I think that counts!)

yes/no

milk

bedtime

play

all done

eat/hungry

more

help

blanket

bath

come here

napkin

wash hands

sorry

Those are all signs that she can actually use - she does them herself and understands when I do them also. Below are signs that I am working on ... she understands some of them but not all:

book

thank you

shoes

car

I love you

mama

dada

brother

sister

dog

coat

hat

please

scared

happy

train

stop

toothbrush

I need to add more to the "work on" list ... she is so smart and can pick up a new sign in just a few minutes if it's a "thing," although it takes longer if it's more of a concept. I am a little concerned that learning so much sign will make it easier for her to not talk when the time comes, but I'll deal with that down the road. For now, I am elated that she can communicate with us, and I think she is too!

Sunday Snapshot {Her first Christmas}

It's her first Christmas with us ... OUR first Christmas as a family of 5. Thinking back to last year when our family picture included a *picture* of Sunshine ... well it's pretty darn amazing to think of how far we've come since then. While DH was out with Angel & Lovebug tonight, I laid with Sunshine under the Christmas tree and listened to Christmas tunes. It's a tradition we've been doing with the kids, although it usually includes reading books, but they *adore* shutting off all the lights and sitting under the Christmas tree. I do too.

Tonight seemed like a perfect opportunity to introduce Sunshine to this favorite tradition ... she loved it too. Although the pictures show a serious face, I promise she was rocking out to Old King Wenceslas, Silver Bells and the like with me .. her chubby little legs happily bopping along :-) She wasn't thrilled when I left to grab the camera (hence the serious expression), but I had to document the beautiful, priceless moment!

What an amazing little girl she is growing into ... I just LOVE her. Like really L-O-V-E her. And I am so blessed to be able to spend this Christmas, and every one after that, with her as part of our family.

Breakfast with Santa

I'm not real big into Santa and we definitely don't make a big deal about him at home. In fact, we don't even do those pictures at the mall. But we couldn't pass up the opportunity to do a free breakfast with Santa. My brother's girlfriend was kind enough to ask the manager at their restaurant if we could come and he happily said yes. We had an entire buffet of breakfast food prepared (no cooking!!) and there was a face-painter, a balloon guy, and of course the jolly round guy.

Aside from the early wakeup after being out late with a group of amazing adoptive mamas, we had SUCH a good time. So, so glad we went - Angel and Lovebug had a blast and Sunshine was just happy to hang out. We didn't even attempt to put her on Santa's lap - yikes, can't even fathom the attachment setback there! LOL.

She's free!

So I have been worried sick over this stent removal thing for months. With them being sewn into her nose and then being cut out during an office visit with no sedation ... and well ... with Sunshine being traumatized by simple doctor's visits let alone being restrained to have silicone things cut out of her nose ... ugh, I'm sure you imagine where I'm going with this.

By the grace of God, she didn't even cry ... not one tear! Such a brave thing she is, I cannot get over her! We brought in someone to hold her legs, I held her arms and head and the nurse worked quickly on getting those nasty, very-grossly-filled stents cut out of her. A few snips, and she was free! It was quick and painless, what a blessing! And boy was Sunshine ecstatic they were gone! She kept squishing up her nose in disbelief ... LOL. After 3 weeks of being stuffed up and not being able to breathe. Oh, it was the cutest!

So once we were home (and I had some window light!), I finally got some good shots of Sunshine while testing out my new 24-70L f/2.8 on her. My trusty red wall didn't let me down :-) So here is our pretty baby girl with her new smile, nose-stent FREE! Oh I could just eat her ... seriously, she is edible! And stunning ... wow, she's gorgeous!

And just so you can see the stunning power of the 24-70L ... below is the SOOC (straight-out-of-camera) image, absolutely no editing. This was 1/250th, f/2.8, ISO400. Crystal clear and oh-so-sharp. Yes, I am in love. I only cleaned up her skin a bit and brightened a tad.

I am still in complete awe at Sunshine's transformation. Although I truly do miss her big clefty smile, wow she's just so beautiful now too. And I think over time, people will barely even be able to tell there's a scar and that there was ever anything different about her. I mean seriously, the surgeon and his cleft team ... WOW! I'm in awe. He is doing God's work every day ... acting as His hands for sure. Nothing we could ever do will thank him for what he's done for our girl! Take a look at Sunshine's transformation ... here is a "before" shot, taken right before her first lip surgery. My, how she has changed! I fall more in love with her every single day. God is so good!

We start her lip massage next week to help stretch out that top lip. Speech therapy will also help to give her more mobility. And the scar will stay red for an undetermined amount of time (could be as long as a year), but will eventually fade and just kind of blend into her skin. She's more red right below her nose because of irritation from the stents, so I expect a lot of that will go away more quickly.

I think the biggest issue (aside from her upcoming palate surgery) will be her nose. The surgeon told us it would likely drop/fall but couldn't predict how much. About a week ago I could see that it was already starting to fall a bit, so unfortunately I think we'll be looking at a nose revision when she's about 5 years old. We were hoping to get her to 16 without a nose surgery, but baby cartilage is thin and Asian cartilage is also thin ... so working with it is unpredictable. Who knows though, maybe it will just stay where it is! We'll just cross that bridge when the time comes.